


Not Nineteen Forever

by SnakeHat



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: 2004-ish, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arthur Pendragon Dies (Merlin), Gen, M/M, Sad Merlin (Merlin), Sad everybody, dealing with grief, feels like yesterday, monologues, well modern...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25148926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnakeHat/pseuds/SnakeHat
Summary: A series of monologues following the Knights of the Round Table and Merlin after Arthur's death. How each of them copes with grief differently...
Relationships: Knights of the Round Table & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

LANCELOT: White 95s. Thought you were a big fish in a small pond. With your Nikes. Muppet. Coated in mud already, they were. You could get mud in a cancer ward.

They were brilliant. Those shoes. Me Mum could’ve told me there was a second coming. I would’ve hung around. Jesus needed to pick up his own pair anyway.

That’s the thing, right. I…

I would’ve hung around.

I know the date. Date of the shoes. 11th December. Gwaine had gotten plastered… We lost. To Everton of all teams.

You know that. You could tell me their forward.

Maybe we thought we’d mess with Gwaine, settling a bet, I don’t know. 

Pool. We were playing pool. You were shite. You’re always shite. Never outrun you on a field but you couldn’t give me the right side of a cue if I painted it red. Gwaine thrashed you, off his face on Peroni and Elyan lost it but you didn’t give a toss. You didn’t give a toss in the world. Dickhead.

That’s it. That’s what I remember. You went up on stage to take your penalty and- I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor. You, singing. Dancing like a stripper. Five minutes. Five minutes…

Rain.

It started raining.

We got chips. The drip test, you taught me that ‘All the best chips the grease runs down to your elbow’. You were wrong. The chips were rank but you ate them all… bloody gannet. We were sitting in Merls’ shitty deckchairs in the dark and... we talked. Elyan thought we didn’t stand a chance against Chelsea, you thought Forsell was a joke. 

It’s my memory now. There could be pterodactyls if I want. I could’ve pulled a rabbit out of that plastic ice bucket. We could’ve said- said that we needed you?

We talked about bikes.

Now I’ve come to tell you that you were special. But I can’t - I can’t because you’re not next to me riding a trolley down the street, trying to play ping-pong with your face. When I tell you you’re special, you’re not there to go ‘special needs’.

Couple of cans, trying to forget your singing. Another while we talked. I probably took shots when I lost at the bloody Pacman game. You’re still fifth, going strong. 

I took me Dad’s Volvo to yours.

All of us bullshitting the lines to Not Nineteen Forever, giggling like we were back in Year 2. I couldn’t tell you where the indicator was. In the dark. Down the backroads. 

I could’ve hit you Arthur. It could’ve been me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a recording of it, my microphone is pretty shit so there's a little feedback/distortion. You might want to have the text open at the same time but either way:
> 
> https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Arvy34zFbcfJXOUuPFOuOMik1GdDfJMt/view?usp=sharing


	2. Gwaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Gwaine

GWAINE: Not nine’een foreve’, pull ya self togetha (togetha)  
I know it ain’t sane but thingggs theyy chaaange.

Merls says we can’t sing that anymore. I think he’s joking but Lance says I should stop. It’s your- it’s your anthem. It’s to commenenate- com- commemen- commemorate you. Ah, you get it.

He misses you. Merls. We all miss you. I miss you. Not as much as Merls. A little. A lot. A little lot. I think Gwen misses you too, I don’t know, she’s off with another fella. Only joking. I haven’t seen her in a while. I haven’t seen them all in a while. Except Merls. He doesn’t count though, he only comes round to make sure I’m- I don’t know, that used to be your job, why did you come around?

Yeah alright, you’re ‘six feet under’.

Me Mum says you’re in a better place. I’m not too sure because you’re right, she’s mental. I hope- I hope maybe not this time. I’m not in a better place. I’m sitting on a grave, drinking… something and talking to- myself?

There’s a gran over there, 10 o’clock, 2 o’clock. Just imagine it. She’s checking out her future neighbours. Only kidding.

She’s all alone. Standing there.

She’s lost her husband, her child, right? Most serious conversation we had? Spec of our bikes and I’m bloody losing it while Skin Bags over there is going to be getting a letter from the Queen soon and she’s just refreshing the flowers and if I’m honest I was going to take your roses for me bird. This is your fuckin’ fault.

‘Get a grip, Gwaine. Put down the bottle’. Yeah, alright, alright.

I went to the job centre today. For you. I talked to this lad who looked like he’d rather be doing the tax return but I think it went alright. I weren’t the last person I would hire in there. Some of them divvys I wouldn’t play table football with nevermind trust them with me plumbing.

...

I can’t lie to you, Arthur. I did go. I went in there and they were all waiting around. I could just imagine one of them job openings pop up and they all go feral, like them hyenas in the Lion King. You remember that film?

Bloody hell, I can’t do this. I’m sorry, Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there might be a gap until the next chapter... I'M TRYING MY BEST


End file.
